The Worst Case
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: A case finds Amanda and Olivia questioning their parenting. Why they are parents and so forth. It does seem to bother Amanda a lot more as she is the newer mother of the two and has a lot of hangups. They show each other support and are there for one another. Not sure how many chapters this will be or if it will be more than this one... Reviews are welcome
1. Chapter 1

It was one of the hardest cases the squad had had in a long time. All the detectives were rocked by it. One of the worst cases of child abuse and neglect they had seen. Hit both Benson and Rollins hard, reason being they were both mothers. Liv's little boy Noah was going on four and Amanda's little girl Jesse was just hitting a year. It made both of them question what kind of parent each of them was. Amanda being the newer mom, really made her doubt her abilities to be a good mother. Especially with what she went through growing up. She needed air, needed some space.

Amanda being the younger of the two really doubted herself being the mother Jesse needed and deserved. Here she was a young single mother, the father not in the picture. Come on her pregnancy was pretty much a one night stand. That weekend of that damn blizzard. Liv had acted like a madam to break a prostitution ring, to bring a young girl back to her mother. So didnt that make her a slut? She went out on the roof just to get some air, sitting there just looking at the city skyline. Amanda had been moody for some time now and Liv had been wondering if she had been experiencing a delayed post-partum depression.

Since her and Amanda had been becoming somewhat better friends lately, they had been bonding, sharing stories of what their kids had been up too. Hell they had even been spending some time together outside of work letting Noah and Jesse play together. Noah being older was so good with Jesse, being as patient as a little boy could be with a young little girl trying to emulate him and do whatever he did.

Walking closer to where the blonde was sitting she could see the silhouette of a cigarette. She hated that Amanda smoked but she wasnt going to use this time to chastise her and nag her about it. She truly didnt think it was warrented. She came to check on her colleague, her friend. She placed her hand gingerly on Amanda's shoulder "Amanda you doing okay? You know you can talk to me about anything. Im here." Amanda just looked at her. "Thanks Liv." Amanda just sat there staring into the sun, her mind was definitely not there. "Hey Amanda why dont you get out of here early and go get Jesse. If you want bring her over my apartment. I'm sure Noah would love to play and we can have some time to talk without being in the precinct." She reached out her hand to help pull up the blonde and get her on her feet. She could see the tears the blonde was trying to keep back. Out of nowhere Amanda turned and hugged Liv. Surprised Liv a bit as Amanda wasnt one to show her feelings much. Yeah they had held hands, and did the occasional hug goodbye but it never lasted, now this one was a long hug. Liv didnt mind.

Liv walked her back into the squad room. Fin gave a questioning look to Liv when he saw Rollins pack up her desk and head out. Liv saw the look and quickly explained "She needs some 'Jesse time', shes not in trouble Fin. Im supposed to meet up with her later on." He smiled at that. All he wanted was to make sure his partner was okay. Liv went into her office to work on some files. He gave it a few minutes and went to the office, knocking on the wall to gain Liv's attention-she was miles away in thought. "Hey Liv if you want to cut out early and go check on Amanda I can cover." Liv smiled and told him she'd prolly take him up on his offer. She really was quite worried bout her friend. Bout an hour later she told him she was heading out. He told her to take care of Rollins. She text Amanda **_"Hey just got out of work. Do you want me to swing by pick you, Jesse and Frannie up on the way to my place? Before you say it, no it is not out of my way."_** Between the cries of a teething baby she heard her phone go off. "Please my sweet baby girl, mama cant take much more of the screams." She text Liv back **_"If you dont mind a grouchy, teething baby girl. I definitely wouldnt mind it."_** She stood there bouncing Jesse, searching around for the baby motrin. Finally finding it she gave her some as well as an ice chewy. Seeing it was working a bit she put her baby girl in the pack and play and took a minute to herself. She was going out of her fucking mind. Frannie was keeping an eye on Jesse while Amanda picked up a bit. Liv got there a short time later. Knocking on the door, Amanda grabbing Jesse "Just a minute." She opened the door and Liv saw a very frazzled blonde. Sensing that the blonde was at her breaking point Liv reached to take Jesse "May I?" Amanda smiled. "Sure, Jesse you're gonna go see Liv." Handing Jesse over, she takes the chewy and throws it "yucky", "Hi Hi...Noah?" Amanda groaned, bending over to pick up the chewy. Liv could see a black pair of panties peek up from her position. She had very dirty thoughts, she started humming. Amanda had stood back up. Confused, "You sure you want us to come over Liv? Jesse's grumpy as hell and in a mood." Liv nodded, "Yes Amanda. I already told Lucy and she told Noah. Sweetie why dont you go take a breather and gather some clothes for you and Jesse. I'll stay out here with her."

Amanda went to her bedroom to get some clothes. Oh today just wasnt her day. She was already feeling like a damn failure as it was. Now even more so with not being able to help her daughter, though it was only teething she didnt like seeing her baby in so much pain and only being able to offer limited help. As she started to pack the bags tears started falling down. After a lil bit Liv had put Jesse in her pack and play. "Frannie girl, keep an eye on Jesse. I wanna go check whats keeping your mama." Frannie understood and laid right next to the pack and play. Liv made her way down the hallway and she could hear Amanda upset. She walked into the door way and saw Amanda just standing in her closet. She walked over to her. "Amanda what's going on hun? I could hear you getting upset so I put Jesse in her portacrib thing, told Frannie to stay there and came down here." Amanda looked at her. "It's nothing Liv. You already have enough on your plate. I appreciate you taking us in for a night so Jesse can have a change of scenery." Liv tipped her chin, "and most importantly so you can have some grown up time to talk. I've told you I'm here." Amanda nodded and touched Liv's hand as a sign of showing thanks. Then they heard Jesse wail. Liv could see the stress level rising back up. "I got her Manda. You finish packing so we can go." Amanda did just that, grabbing a couple outfits for Jesse and herself. Not sure how long they'd stay at Liv's but she wanted to be prepared. She finished up, grabbed a few bottles and all the teething rings she could find.

They headed on the road. Jesse all strapped in the back, Frannie on the seat next to her. Amanda frazzled as hell in the passenger seat. For some reason this seemed like a family ride to her. Liv put her hand on Amanda's arm. "Sweetie whatever is going on, I'm here and we will get you through it together." A tear slowly made it's way down Amanda's cheek. "Liv, I cant keep doing this to you. You have your own life and Noah." Liv gently squeezed her arm. "Manda you and I have gotten closer. Not to mention the fact you and Jesse mean alot to me. I'm enjoying that we spend time together and are letting the kids get close." Amanda nodded. She just didnt have the words right now. She was doubting everything she knew, doubting her abilities as a mother and as a detective. She felt the lowest of low. Liv didnt want to push her anymore so she left the tiny frail blonde alone for the time being. She'd let her relax a bit and then hopefully they could talk later on after the kids went to bed. The drive to Liv's apartment was quiet and relaxed. It took about a half hour, traffic was a bit heavy but not too bad. When they got there she noticed Amanda had dozed off.

Lightly touching her arm after she parked her car she woke Amanda up. "Hey Amanda, wake up, we are here. I can carry up Jesse cause I know you're tired." Amanda nodded softly speaking "Thanks Liv. Im gonna let Frannie do her business and be right up." Amanda took Frannie for a lil walk around Liv's complex. She was just thinking. How Jesse had been screaming with her teething, her doubts it all. She really did feel like a failure with Jesse and that hurt. Being a single mother didnt help especially when she had no contact with Jesse's father. She put out the cigarette she had been smoking and went up to Liv's apartment. When she got inside she saw the best scene she had ever seen, Liv sitting on the couch, Jesse laying in her lap gnawing on an ice chewy and Noah just chillen out watching cartoons. He saw Amanda walk in and ran over to her. "Mandy, Mandy... and you have Frannie. Can I pet her please? I promise I'll be super gentle." Amanda smiled. "Sure sweetheart, let me unhook her and you know what she'll prolly come sit with you." Sure enough Noah went and sat on the other couch to watch his cartoon and Frannie jumped up with him, kissed his face and laid her head on his lap.

She asked Liv how Jesse was and Liv told her she was cranky. "Manda I could feel a tooth pushing through in the back, could be a molar." Amanda nodded and took Jesse, she just wanted to cuddle with her baby girl. Her emotions were so rattled. Placing lil kisses in Jesse's hair and whispering "I love you Jesse. Hope I do right by you." The lil girl seeming to understand her mom was in a rough patch just hugged her mommy tight. "Mama". She looked up at Amanda and smiled. After a lil bit both kids ended up crashing. They were looking forward to tomorrow when they could play all day together. Each of them putting their respective child in bed, Noah in his bed and Jesse in her pack and play. Frannie looking at Liv for permission to stay in the room with the kids. She scratched her head "Go ahead Frannie, go sleep with your friends." She happily trotted to a spot between the bed and the pack and play. Both Amanda and Liv smiled. She really loves Noah as much as Jesse Liv. I think you just made her doggie night." Liv was happy. She rubbed Amanda's back. "Im glad honey. Lets go get changed and relax for the night. I have some wine and I think you might have some beer left over from the last time you and Jesse stayed over."

They went and changed. Liv was worried bout her friend slash colleague. She wanted to help her through. She had put on sweats and a t-shirt. Amanda came out in her capri sweats and a tank top. She soon joined Liv on the couch. Liv broke the silence, "So Manda what would you like to drink?" Amanda looked at her, "Im not thirsty right now but thanks." Liv just put her hand gingerly on Amanda's. "Look I know something's bothering you. Whatever it is, I am here to listen and to help you out the best way I can."

Amanda waited a while, gathering her thoughts so to speak. When she spoke Liv did what she said. She listened. She hated hearing her favorite blonde so full of self doubt. Liv bit the bullet and pulled the blonde to her. "Amanda I care alot about you, and whatever this is building between us. It feels like a family, like for instance right now, you sitting here in my arms just feels natural. Please just tell me how you are feeling." Amanda let herself be held, it felt nice not having to voice she wanted it. Liv just sensed it and did it. She had some kind of growing feelings. The tears started to come down "Liv I am a fuck-up. Plain and simple. I'm not a good mother and everything I do somehow some way turns out fucked up. Come on Jesse happened cause I had a weekend fling with a boss. What does that tell you?" Liv hugged her tighter, "Sweetheart, you are not a failure. Honey you are good mother. Know why? Easy answer. You love that little girl more than anything. Doesnt matter who her father is as you are her mother. You are her constant. You're who she sees in the morning when she wakes up and you are the one she sees at night when she goes to bed. You have come so damn far in these past few years and I couldnt be more proud of you." Amanda gave a half hearted smile. "Thanks Liv. I know that wasnt easy to say. It just hurts so much to do all of this alone. I want my daughter to grow up and just be proud of me. Thats what I want." Folding her hands together she looked down. "I also want a family, someone who loves me, I've never had that." After saying that she looked away. She couldnt face Liv. She was wanting the family that they seemed to have but at the same time she had those feelings that she wasnt allowed that.

Liv listened to her and her heart broke. This woman before her never had a constant in her life. Well not a positive constant. She had the negative. She had abandonment that lead to the gambling. Which at the time made Liv disgusted with her. She had felt that this woman was just playing. Until she learned of the events that had made Amanda turn to that vice. Liv had questioned her being a parent especially when she got Noah through adoption. "Amanda we both are newer mothers, we both question things. What we can do is continue to be here for one another give support. Plus our kids are great friends and I happen to enjoy spending time with you too." Without thinking Amanda reached up and claimed Liv's lips with her own. Liv's lips granting her access to her mouth and tongues explored. What were these feelings? This kiss was different from any other. Pretty sure they would find out eventually but for now they were content with the kiss and the cuddling.


	2. Admitting

Amanda slept curled into Liv's arms, first sound sleep she had in a while. She felt safe, wanted, and cared about. All very new to her. She was confused bout her growing feelings and becoming too attached to Liv. Granted she didnt push Amanda away when she kissed her but she didnt think Liv recprocated those feelings at all. Yeah they cuddled and watched movies together, they even held hands at times too. But this was the first time she acted on her attraction. She just didnt want to overstep her boundaries and fuck up anything that may be growing between them. She was awakened in the middle of the night by a screaming baby.

She walked into Noah's room, thankful that Noah was such a sound sleeper. Jesse had a set of lungs on her. She picked her up and started to bounce her. Wasnt working. "Shhhh Jesse girl. It's okay. Mama's gonna get you medicines and a chewy. Please stop screaming baby." She made her way to the kitchen, she saw her baby motrin sitting on the counter, well out of reach of Noah and toddling Jesse. She grabbed the syringe and gave her lil one the required dosage and grabbed a ice chewy. It was going to be a long rest of the night. She didnt want to disturb Liv and since they had fallen asleep on the couch she went to Liv's room to contend with Jesse. After about an hour the motrin had kicked in and Jesse had fallen back to sleep. Amanda walked her quietly back to Noah's room and put her back in her portacrib. She went back out to the couch. Liv hadnt moved so she crawled right back in her spot. Liv felt her and snuggled her closer.

The following morning they awoke to the kids giggling in the other room. It was so cute to hear. Thoughts were swirling in Liv's head. _What is going on between Amanda and I? She hadnt felt this drawn to someone in a long time. She thought she had a good thing with Tucker but that didnt last as they grew apart. Now her and Amanda were growing closer and closer. There was a certain trust growing between them. There was also a growing attraction as well, that progressed just a lil bit with the kiss last night. She was enjoying whatever was becoming of them. They did need to talk especially if this was going to keep progressing. They each needed to know where the other stood and wanted things to go. Especially where they had kids in the picture and the kids were getting attached to each other._

They went and grabbed their kids. Here was the weird thing. Jesse didnt want Amanda, Jesse wanted Liv. The same with Noah, he just wanted "Mandy" as he called her. They gave each other kinda questioning looks and grabbed the child that wanted them. They took the kids to the table and gave them breakfast. Noah smiling, Jesse smiling. Noah looked at both Amanda and Liv "Mandy are you and Jesse spending the day with me and Mama?" Amanda smiled "Yes we are sweet boy." Noah content with that answer finished up his cereal, plopped on the couch with Frannie and put on cartoons. Not too long after he did that he called Jesse to come over and sit with him.

Amanda and Liv just watched from the table drinking their coffees. This was definitely a lil family. No matter how they looked at it, they were becoming a family of sorts. It was comforting in a way. They just needed to voice what they were feeling. Each of them needed to get it off their chest whether it was just friends to either of them or if it was more. They owed it to themselves not to mention the two people that meant the entire world and thensome to them, that's right their children.

They decided since it was a nice day out to go play at the park. Good for the kids to get some fresh air. Good for them as well. They knew Frannie had no objections. Liv packed them a lil lunch and they headed out. In the car the kids held hands, it was so cute. As Liv drove she put her hand on Amanda's thigh. She just felt comfortable. Amanda did too, it felt right. It was like they were already in a relationship without saying the words. Soon as they got to the park the kids ran right to the lil playground. They took the spot right on the grass as close as possible.

Liv was the one to break the ice. She was unsure but she also was curious too. She watched her favorite blonde as she smiled watching the kids play. She had donned her shades which disappointed Liv a bit cause she loved looking into Amanda's eyes. "So Amanda I was wondering, this feeling I'm having concerning you, umm how do I say this? I was wondering if you are having any of the same feelings?" Amanda was taken aback, she didnt expect that. Since she had been sipping her water she coughed and sputtered out. "What feelings might those be Liv?" Liv was bout to answer when the kids came over wanted a drink and snack. Noah asked if they were staying the night again and Liv spoke before Amanda could. "Yes they are." Noah and Jesse smiled. Noah piped up "Jesse is my sister, right?"

Both Liv and Amanda sat there in shock. Both of them rendered speechless. Noah asked again adding "Isnt she? We spend so much time together." Jesse hugged Noah adding "Love Noah." They gave up waiting for the adults to answer and went back to playing, Frannie tagging along to make sure they stayed safe and out of trouble. "So Liv you never answered what in fact your feelings were." Liv took a big breath, _it's now or never she thought._ "Well to be honest, I'm attracted to you. I have feelings that are more on the side of romantic then friendship. Dont know if thats a good or bad thing. All's I know is that I have feelings that are way more than a friend level and I dont want that to... Amanda quickly shut her up by kissing her. After they broke the kiss Liv looked at her. Amanda smiled, "Liv I have waited so long for that. You dont even know. Having to hide my attraction hasnt been easy. Now the question is, what do we do about it?"


	3. Reassurance

It was quite a revealing afternoon. Both of them admitting feelings for the other. Now how to deal with the next part. They were both nervous. Of course both had been hurt many times, so they were leary. The only ones they gave their wholeselves to was their kids. They both wanted to change that though. The kids just enjoying being together.

As they watched the kids play, each of them would catch the other just looking at them with a smile. It was just nice. Since they had literally spent the day at the park it was time to go home. The kids needed dinner, bath and a bed. The kids zonked even before Liv left the parking lot. Amanda touched her hand, "you dont mind us staying over again?" Liv smiled, "No I was actually looking forward to it. Ive gotten used to you spending nights with Jesse. Plus maybe we can have a drink and talk more about what we were talking bout earlier." Amanda nodded "I'd like that."

The ride home was nice, just chatter from both of them, it was just easy to talk to one another. Amanda just relaxed. She felt safe and that this was where she was supposed to be. When they finally got to the apartment they each had to grab a sleeping child. Jesse felt quite warm and Amanda was worried. "Liv, can you feel Jesse? She feels awful warm to me." Liv sensing Amanda was scared, she leant over and felt Jesse. "She does feel very warm sweetie. When was the last time you gave her motrin. It could be that tooth breaking through." Amanda nodded. She was nervous. She didnt want her baby sick. Her delivery was hard enough. They got into the apartment and settled. Noah fed and bathed. Jesse didnt want to eat, the fever came down some with the motrin and the bath. Amanda sat holding her baby girl. She was pale and you could tell not feeling good at all. Full concentration on her baby she didnt hear Liv come back over so when she placed a gentle hand on her shoulder she jumped. "Liv can you hold her for a few minutes, I wanna call her pediatrician." Liv took the lil girl. As Amanda made the phone call Liv gently rubbed her back. He told her to bring Jesse into his office as it was a late night for him. He just wated to check the toddler to make sure she didnt have any other issues going on and possibly prescribe a higher dosage of motrin. Tears brimming in her eyes "I uhh, I gotta bring her to her pediatricians. He wants to make sure no other infections are going on." Liv kept her hand still. "Sweetie let me call Lucy and I'll bring you two down to her doctors." Amanda hung her head. "You-you dont have to do that." Liv hugged her, "Sweetie its not having to, it's wanting to. I dont want you to be alone. You're scared." Liv quickly called Lucy and she headed over. Looking at Amanda she told her she hoped her lil girl was okay and that she would keep her in her thoughts.

Liv got Jesse buckled in her carseat. She knew Amanda's fear, she remembered how that felt when Noah had the measles and the high fever. She hoped that the lil girl wouldnt have to be hospitilized, but if she did she was going to be right there with Amanda, giving her the support she needed. Liv plugging the address into her gps she knew Amanda wasnt going to be able to give her the directions. The woman was scared. She remembered that feeling and Amanda was more than justified. She flew down the way. An officer stopping her, she showed them her badge and went on her way. They got to the office in like fifteen minutes. Amanda grabbed Jesse who was starting to get warm again and headed inside. Liv parked and followed suit. The doctor came right out to Amanda. He looked at Jesse very pale and very cranky. He knew it was partial teething and partial some kind of bug going around maybe? He had to examine her. He listened to her chest, checked her throat, nose and ears. He had found the problem. Amanda being worried had tears in her eyes and in a choked voice she asked, "What-whats wrong with her? He looked at Amanda, and let Jesse play with his stethoscope. Liv stepped up from the seat she had taken and put her hand on her shoulder. "Amanda, Jesse is obviously teething looks like her two bottom molars are coming in the back, yes both at once. I can see why she is so cranky. Her high fever is caused by that and double ear infection. Thats typical in most kids." Amanda nodded understanding. "So what can I do for her?" He checked Jesse's temp again, it was going down which was good. "Since her fever is going down, we know that the motrin is working. I'm also going to give her an antibiotic. Im going to put her on amoxicillin twice a day for ten days. That should clear it all up." He could sense Amanda chastising herself. "Amanda you are a good mother, dont think you're not. Ms. Benson, thank you for bringing her down here and not lettng her drive. I'm going to go write the script and let you get Ms. Jesse here dressed."

They finished everything, went and got Jesse's script and headed home. When they got home, Lucy had put Noah down. "Hope you dont mind but Frannie wouldnt leave his side so shes cuddled with him on the bed. Amanda you have a beautiful dog. How'd Jesse make out?" Amanda thanked her and told her how she made out. Liv thanked Lucy for coming over so short notice. Lucy like always told her that it was never a problem and to call anytime she needed. As Liv walked her out, Amanda changed Jesse, got motrin and the first round of antibiotics into her. After that she went and laid on the couch. She was fried. Liv had brought over two glasses of wine figuring they were going to need them. She sat next to Amanda. "How are you doing sweetie." She used that soft caring voice and it melted Amanda's heart. "Im doing. I appreciate you so much for being there, and for being here for me and Jesse." Liv smiled. "Always sweetheart. Always." Liv took her chance, she leaned back gently pulling Amanda with her. Feeling a little bit of resistance she spoke. "It's ok Manda, let me just hold you." Amanda leaned back. "Sorry this day took such a shit turn. Jesse, Frannie and I will be out of your hair first thing in the morning." Liv held her tightly. "Nonsense. I want you guys here." Amanda smiled. She was happy she didnt have to be home alone with Jesse being so sick. "Thank you Liv. I appreciate this. Now what about what is going on with us? I know and feel the growing atttraction but is it more?"

Liv thought for minute. Oh how she enjoyed the blondes company. She enjoyed seeing Noah have a friend. Reaching up to take a sip of her wine, "Amanda I would like to see where things continue to go with us. You arent the only one with the feelings. I just want to take things slow." That made Amanda smile. She snuggled more into Liv. "I'd like that. We do seem to have a cute lil family." Amanda turned so that she was facing Liv, her chest touching Liv's "I dont even know if I deserve you. To be honest. Look what you did for me tonight, look how you have just been there for me with me just venting to you. I've never deserved anyone like you before." Soft tears fell from her eyes, dripping on to Liv. Liv gently thumbed her tears away. "Amanda, come on sweetie, dont cry. You're a good woman, amazing mother and a good detective. How can you not deserve me? Sweetie how can I deserve you? Is really what I should be asking. What I did tonight, is what friends do, is what people who care do for those they care about. I know I care alot about you. Should we try things between us and see where they go? Would that be something you'd be interested in?"

Amanda couldnt believe what Liv was saying. She had wanted to hear this for a long time. "I'd love to Liv. Nothing would make me happier. The four of us make a cute family and plus they already think of each other as brother and sister." Liv got up quickly to check on the kids and make sure they were asleep. Amanda stayed on the couch laying down and relaxing. So Liv came over and kissed her, moving gently on top of her as the kiss progressed. Breaking the kiss mutually cause they needed air Amanda giggled. "Well telling each other how we felt did have it's privelages. Now we can sit and make out all the time." Olivia smiled, thinking ' _would things always be this easy with her? would she always be this accepting?'_ Amanda was relieved, she didnt want to have the feelings then they weren't reciprocated. Plus now there would be no more sleeping on the couch alone during sleepovers.

The both of them got tired, it had been a long and eventful day. Liv was getting ready to head to her room for the night. "Manda, you coming?" Amanda looked over at her "You want me to sleep with you?" Liv chuckled, "well eventually yeah. I was saying for now are you going to come cuddle with me and be comfortable?" Amanda blushed lightly "You dont have to ask me twice. Cuddling with a beautiful brunette and falling into a blissful sleep. Ill take that any day. Just let me check on Jesse real quick and change into my pajamas." Liv nodded and headed to her room to change into her pajamas. Amanda went and checked on Jesse quickly. She was still warm but the fever wasnt as high, it was what she called a "lowgrade fever". She was content with that. She kissed Jesse, Noah and Frannie, and left to go change. She changed into her tank top and shorts and went to Liv's room. Liv saw her come in, she saw those legs and thought damn. She crawled into bed right next to Liv. "Mmm this feels nice. Cuddling with you." Liv smiled, kissed Amanda's head, "Yes this does feel nice. Feels like this is where you belong." Amanda claimed Liv's lips gently but hungrily, holding her close to her. They broke the kiss after both needed air. Amanda spoke huskily "I agree one million percent. This is where I belong. Anywhere with you, Jesse, Noah and Frannie. I cant wait to see what the future holds for us and our newly formed family." After a few more kisses they cuddled closer. Amanda laid her head on Liv's chest, Liv rested her chin against Amanda's head and the both of them drifted off into a peaceful, happy thoughts slumber.

 _ **So thinking one more chapter to close it out? Not sure yet. What would you like to see happen? Wanna see them progress? Should they become an actual family? As always reviews are welcome**_


	4. Permanent Family

Several months down the line. Their relationship has really progressed. They were becoming the lil family they talked about. They spent a majority of their time together which neither of them really had the family thing. They wanted to make it different for the kids. Since they themselves never had the family upbringing, they wanted to make sure the kids had it.

Amanda had been thinking of a way to push them forward. She wanted to cement their relationship. She wanted to deepen their committment but she was unsure if what she was thinking was the right way to do it. They had been together for almost a year. But Amanda had those thoughts, 'who wanted to marry her? who wanted to have her and fatherless daughter as their family?' All she wanted to do was give her daughter the loving family she never had. She wanted Jesse to have the love, support and everything she needed to grow up and be a well rounded person.

She had been lost in her thoughts when Jesse had toddled over. "Mama, I wanna live with Noah. I love him. Can we live with Noah and Livia?" Amanda just held her daughter tight. She didnt know how to answer that cause she didnt what was on Liv's mind about any of this. She was worried cause she didnt want to push Liv into more than she was ready for. Liv could see her sweetie thinking. Jesse had gave Amanda a kiss and went to go play with Noah. Liv sat gently next to Amanda. She could see that her girlfriend was fretting but wasnt sure why. Amanda sat there playing with her fingers. She was nervous as hell. Liv just sat there and rubbed her thigh. "What's on that pretty mind of yours?" Amanda shook her head. "Im good Liv. I promise." Liv looked at her. "Amanda I know you're worried bout Jesse's question. Sweetie whatever is meant to be for us will be. I just know as long as you're a part of my future than thats all I want, and all I'll need."

That night they had a nice family dinner. Jesse still persistent about having her question answered. Liv had been thinking long and hard about it, even before Jesse had said anything. She herself wanted to cement hers and Amanda's relationship. She had been thinking about really making them a family. Amanda gave Jesse a stern look telling the young child to knock it off. Knowing her mama's look she let up a bit. Liv touched Amanda's arm, "sweetie relax. Jesse didnt say anything wrong." Jesse looked at Amanda "see Mama." Amanda tapped Jesse on her butt and put her down to go play with Noah.

Since it got late, they put the kids to bed. The kids making both Liv and Amanda promise that when they woke up Jesse, Amanda and Frannie would still be there. After a few hugs and kisses the kids finally crashed. Amanda walked out and sat on the couch. She knew Liv wasnt bothered but at the same time it did worry her that this family was happening awful fast and really didnt want to push it on Liv. Liv had gone to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine and brought Amanda over a bottle of beer. She joined Amanda on the couch and handed her the beer. "Hey honey, everything okay? You have gotten really quiet. Not used to this Amanda." Amanda looked at Liv after taking a swig of her beer. "I just really hope all the questions hasnt made you rethink us. I dont wanna lose what we have going Liv." Liv smiled touching her lightly "Honey we arent, we are growing and taking our time. Just relax sweetie." Amanda smiled "Okay Ill try to. It's not easy but ill try. Can we cuddle and watch a movie?" Liv smiled and pulled Amanda closer to her so they could cuddle. "Sure baby, whatcha wanna watch?"

They ended up watching "footloose", of course Amanda picked the eighties version rather than the new one. "Babe why remake a perfectly awesome movie?" Liv shrugged and laughed. Amanda was content in her arms, that was all she wanted. Amanda leaned back and could tell Liv was thinking about something. "So my pretty girlfriend what is on your mind? I can feel the gears turning babe." Liv smiled, "Just thinking about us, about this beautiful thing we have going on. Trust me it's all good." Amanda turned and kissed her plump lips gently. "Yeah we do have a good thing going. Cute little family I must add, but then again I'm biased."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while longer, enjoying cuddling and watching the movie. At the part in the movie when the song "Almost Paradise" played Olivia got an idea. "Hey Amanda, I have an idea. You can say no if you want but please hear me out. Here it goes. How about you and Jesse move in here with Noah and I? We already spend alot of time together and Jesse did say earlier she wanted to live with Noah." Amanda smiled. She wanted nothing more than to start a new life with Liv. "Are you sure Liv? Thats an awful big step. Granted Jesse and I spend more time here than at my own apartment." Since Amanda was still laying on her chest sitting in between her legs, she rested her head on Amanda's shoulder. "I've never been more sure of anything. I want you and Jesse to move in with us, so we can spend everynight like this. Have family dinners with the kids, have cuddle time with each other and also have our special time together too. Come on Amanda dont make me beg, cause where I do want this I for sure will."

Amanda turned her head around to meet Liv's lips. "Yes we will move in. Nothing would make Jesse happier, you heard her earlier. You make me happy, you make my daughter happy, so moving in and becoming a family would make me happy."


End file.
